Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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