I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
