I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Man, jail baloney is awful.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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