dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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