A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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