I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
