I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
