How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
So many bounce houses so little time
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
