Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
