My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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