You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
