Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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