At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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