She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
