3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
