i'm signing you up for texting rehab
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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