Can i not drive my cunt home
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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