I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
