listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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