I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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