I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
