I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
why is half of my head shaved?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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