I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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