There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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