This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
