I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
there was a trapeze. enough said
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
