billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
These tits shall not be calmed
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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