Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
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I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
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I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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