That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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