Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize