i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
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You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
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I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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