if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I need to wash the frat house off of me
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
