he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
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