He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
