just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
