saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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