And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
