i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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