It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
