Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
