so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
