You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
