i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
