we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
it was like eating out sand paper
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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