After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Houston, we have a blender
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
