ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
cat food counts as protein by the way
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
