The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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