i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
It was like giving head to a cactus.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
