oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize