I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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