Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
