i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
