People in love make me want to vomit
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
