So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
