If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
