Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
