I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Randomize
