his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
