It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
