I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
