One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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