I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
bring money and cleavage
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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