I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
