Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
