How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
