You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize