Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
