Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Randomize
