Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
