i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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