I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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