i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
