Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
