two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
