Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
