You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
