You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
