it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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