I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
