Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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