Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
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Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
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We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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