Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
